Saturday 2nd December Broxbourne Ladies Results Roundup

Broxbourne 2's vs Chess Valley 0-0 Bishop Stortford vs Broxbourne 3's 0-2 Scorers for Broxbourne were Becki Quiding ton and Lisa Stamford Berkhampstead & Hemel vs Broxbourne 4's 2-1 Laura Seaman Ladies 5's Report First the good news - we managed to score the only goal top of the table West Herts Ladies 3s have conceded this season. Boy did we cheer and race around the pitch with our tops pulled over our heads then all slide along the pitch on our bellies? Well no actually but, we did do a little bit of a victory dance and clap and whoop everso slightly. Our goal came after another of Rachel Bygate's solo runs up field - the shot into the D was then converted - we're not sure by whom but the toss of a coin decided the scorer was Clare Mills as opposed to Meg Harries. Then the less good news or rather quite good news is that we only lost the second half 1-3. I don't think it's me that isn't quite good at maffs but we took the field in the first half with only 10 players despite having 2 subs and a couple of weeks ago we had 12 players on the pitch. I don't think they do add ups in school anymore - the youngsters of today are more interested in takeaways. Anyway we drafted in Big Mo for this game having rescued her from a waterlogged golf course, stuck her at the back, let her do some bellowing which sounded more like panic as the game wore on. Big Mo, as opposed to Little Mo who used to be a useful tennis player back in the 1800s, even managed to find her old blue shirt which was more current than I could have dared ask for and I have a sneaky feeling she rather enjoyed herself as she seemed to be in no rush to get to Turnford to umpire a men's game. What's worse getting a bashing playing or umpiring? - hmmm tricky one that! Feeeona bravely volunteered to go in goal, and in the process subjected herself to a continued onslaught the likes of which hasvn't been seen since the Battle of The Somme, threw caution to the wind and couldn't resist chucking herself about all over the place especially in the second half. Well I suppose it's back to the drawing board after this game - at the moment I'm sketching a picture of the Ladies 5's topless for a 2007 calendar as I'm quite warm at the moment and not very good at drawing faces. I've heard those sorts of calendars sell very well and any profits could go towards a retirement home for hockey players with knackered knees. All food would be liquidised as they probably wouldn't have any teeth either. Modesty forbids me from mentioning the final score but suffice it to say that in all my playing career I have never been on the end of such a trouncing. Well there's always a first time for everything.

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