Saturday 11th November Broxbourne Ladies 5's vs Shefford & Sandy Result: Broxbourne lost 0-5

Broxbourne Ladies 5s team were beaten 0 - 5 by Shefford and Sandy who I might add had 7 England internationals playing for them and another who had velcro attached to her stick and smuggled in anther specially prepared ball. Also they had a dog in their team and there is nothing in the rule book which prevents dogs from playing nor carrying a ball in your mouth. I also carried the ball in my mouth at one stage but not intentionally - fortunately I managed to hang on to my teeth. What was I saying about gum shields last week - when I find out who pinched mine they'll pay that's for sure. Due to the fact I have a fat and sore upper lip, kissing is out of the question this week and also smiling - neither of which should be too difficult for me. Anyway I don't want to talk about the defeat anymore so thought I'd instigate a discussion about budgies. I used to have a budgie when I was younger called Charlie but my brother pulled his tail off. Before that he would eat oranges from your shoulder. Only at half time though. James Hunt was a champion budgie breeder and also Geoff Capes. Doesn't go with their macho image does it? Obviously men in touch with their birdie side! You can get different coloured budgies especially if you have them dyed - the club could get some and keep them in the bar and have them in club colours although it might be difficult to agree which bits should be blue and which should be pink. We could teach them to say things like 'come on Brox - we can do this' 'we was robbed' 'the umpire was rubbish' and 'who has eaten all the cheese'. Well all I can promise is that we won't lose next week as we don't have a game - De Monfort Uni have pulled out of our league since they heard Jacky Joyce has taken up umpiring. She was never keen on De Monfort as they used to bash her about a bit and there is always a chance as an umpire that she could exact her revenge. Have you seen the way her hand constantly hovers over the pocket she keeps her cards in. Talking of cards - it's a bit worrying that they are different shapes to allow for the optically challenged umpires to know what card they are showing a player. Don't listen to all that rubbish about it being for those that are colour blind. You could easily get around that by writing the the name of the colour on the card. After our defeat I should be coming out of this depression by about Wednesday until then please don't trouble me for interviews or radio and tv appearances. Mazzzzz

BROXBOURNE

HOCKEY

CLUB