Saturday 7th January Broxbourne Ladies 5's vs Allenburys Result: Broxbourne won 4-1

A great start to 2006 and a 4 - 1 victory with goals from Jackie Gates 3 and Rosie Streater. Shall I talk you through each goal or leave it to your imagination? As you would come to expect from the Ladies 5s each goal was executed in immaculate fashion with text book efficiency. Our passing was an example to all those who study at the feet of Thierry Henry and Eddie the Eagle. We rolled out old favourite Annie Thomas for this game as she was at a total loss for an excuse not to play and no - we were not desperate. I'd had her movements tracked and her e-diary intercepted so that there was no fobbing me off with some cock and bull story. I could write a eulogy about every single member of the team on Saturday such is the standard of our players. But then the Ladies 5s is the team to be in if only because I try and give them the 'big up' in reports such as this. I've known some members of the men's section try and get in this team although that might be just so they get another post match meal or share the ladies showers. So we are now off the bottom of the table - ah! I bet you thought we were top after reading the above - well I've been on a creative writing course - haven't really - as you can probably guess. We don't have a game next Saturday as the opposition disbanded after hearing about the frightening effect Janet Rutter's gumshield has on optimistic oppostion forwards - it's called the King Canute gumshield and is available from selected stockists including branches of La Senza and the Early Learning Centre (you can't frighten them too young).

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