Saturday 4th November Broxbourne Ladies 5's vs Welwyn 4's Result: Broxbourne lost 2-0?

Rather than report on an undeserved defeat I thought I would update you on my stolen gum shield. For the regular readers of the Ladies 5s match reports you might remember that my gum shield was stolen at our away fixture against South Herts last season. Well the latest news is that there is none and I'm still without a gum shield. I've tried rolling up a piece of cardboard and packing it around my teeth but it has a tendency to get soggy and I dribble uncontrollably. I've also tried bubble wrap but when an attacking player approaches I get scared and my jaw clasps the bubble wrap which explodes, frightens the opposition and I've been carded twice already this season. So if you don't mind I'll not wear anything in the future and risk losing all my teeth at an early age. Did you know that George Washington's false teeth were made from wood? The game against Welwyn wasn't without incident - for a start they scored two goals against us even though we didn't want them to. Then one of their players got a knock on the head and there was blood gushing everywhere. For the third week in a row my ice packs were put to good use as one spectator had brought some gin and tonic with them. A bandage and some gauze cam in quite handy also as we wrapped it around the injured players head to stop the bleeding and suddenly she let out a pitiful cry - 'I can't see - I've gone blind' - the healing hands of the 5s captain came to the rescue and suddenly the young lady could see again. Don't tell anyone but all I did was lift the bandage up and off of her eyes. I only have to perform another 9 miracles and I get given a sainthood by the Pope. Why did we lose? It was the pitch - it was the umpire - it was the shock of an early game. We were actually better than Welwyn but their goal keeper kept stopping our shots and that just about sums up the game. No need for any of those fancy match reports - just get straight to the point. Shefford & Sandy at home this Saturday - 3.00 pm push back - tickets on sale at the club and they're selling fast and do we have a great line up or what?

BROXBOURNE

HOCKEY

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